Why doesn't Interpol want me to watch Hellboy?
We've become a nation of mandatory consumers. In the 30s and 40, advertising informed us. In the 50s and 60s it entertained us. In the 70s and 80s and 90s it coerced us. Now we're being forcefed our pap whether we like it or not; in the movie theatre, in magazines and yes, on DVDs.
The DVD protocol has a little hook in it that allows the producer to force us to watch the FBI warning that's intimidating us not to become pirates. Arrgh. They set the flag for that part of the DVD and lock out the menu button and the fast forward capabilities.
Okay. This is not good, but at least it was only 10 seconds or so, no worse than the infamous dancing soda pop at the theatres exhorting us to run to the concession stand.
But now, it's the FBI warning and if that's not enough for us world-travellers, we're threatened by Interpol, too. Arrrr.
And now it's commercials, too. The first offender was Disney with the 2000 release of Tarzan. Not the good Johnny Weismuller version, but the sucky modern one. They included four minutes of "must-see" commercials on the DVD.
All the studios are doing it now, commercials, pirate warnings and their stupid vanity logos for their production houses.
Just to make it worse, I have a 5 disc DVD carousel. When I zip through the tray slots trying to find a movie, I have to watch the mandatory couple of minutes on each one. Arrrrr.
I just want my movies. The hell with their ads and their egos and their stupid parochial warnings. Like professional DVD pirates are going to quit and push a broom for a living because they saw a stupid Interpol warning.
I bet that there are people out there in movieland, just wanting to watch their DVDs bought with their hard-earned ducats, who are getting angry. If they weren't going to "steal" movies before, I bet they do now. Paramount, prepare to be boarded. Arrrrrr.
Posted on November 10, 2005
