Flush with defeat
The Bush administration has made an odd request of Fairfax County, a well-heeled DC suburb--They want samples of its sewage. (I'll sidestep the easy jokes for just a second). Here's why...they want to test for presence of cocaine in the diluted urine in the wastewater. Seriously.
Now this would be for statistical reasons, of course. They couldn't possibly narrow down the specific place that the druggy water was coming from, but it is an odd thing to do.
It seems as if the Bushies want to prove something to the rest of the country. They force Internet companies to give them samples of queries to prove that people type dirty words in to search engines and now they want to sample human waste product to prove that some of them use cocaine.
I thought that I would help them make their case that America has vices. so I have some humble suggestions for them to consider:
- Check dictionaries in public libraries for wear and tear on pages with definitions of dirty words.
- Monitor the consumption of late-night jerky-and-twinky runs at convenience stores (must be druggies, right?)
- Randomly sample ipods at airports for buccaneered music
- Subpoena KFC to find out the ratio of "breasts" sold to legs or ribs
- Cross-reference charitable donations to churches from tax forms and by elimation, spot the atheists
Secret vices are unAmerican. We wave our problems proudly in the desert wind for all to see.
Posted on March 27, 2006
