GlobalPOV

Federal fantasies--what I'd like to do to DHS

I would like to find the senior DHS administration officials in the Bush administration and out them. I want to know (and publish) their sexual peccadilios and their naughty college kinks. I want to hack down their family tree and lay each and every disturbing generational cross section out in the open for everyone to see. I want to bare their medicine cabinets and snicker over their infirmities. I want to listen through hidden microphones to their nightly snarfling they call pillow talk. I want to scan their retinas, their nosehair and make them squat in a pool of icecold ink so I can get prints of their wrinkled scrotums, if they, either man or woman, indeed have one. I want to analyze their DNA and their diet and their dieticians DNA and publicly tell everyone about their potential health vulnerabilities. I want to read their mail and their email and their she-mail's email. I want to publish their therapist's notes as an illustrated manga with their name on the cover. I want to riffle through their garbage with rubber gloves, holding up the nicer bits at the end of a pencil during broad daylight in full view of their neighbors and tape it for Youtube. I want to read all of their email and their secret diary and using the intimate family information thus acquired, seduce their mother. I want to know what they're afraid of most and then give it to them. I want to tape all of their phone calls to their significant other for months and edit the arguments down to a mash up over a sampling of the Police's "Roxanne." And play it outside their house. Loud. While waving their inkblot scrotal print with my arm around their mother.